It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
