oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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