I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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