You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
