Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
