I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
