I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
