so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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