yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
