i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
