xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
