I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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