Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
