At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
