I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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