So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize