It's Friday. Sex?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
