Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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