I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
