After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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