What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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