According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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