FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
