I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
