I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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