She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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