How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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