worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
