I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
