Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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