She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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