Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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