I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
