Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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