i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I won't apologize to a one balled man
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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