My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
