I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
