I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
