did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
