You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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