She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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