He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
