Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
