Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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