He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
