at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
it glows. i had to have it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
