This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
