not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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