I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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