i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
