i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
