I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
