They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
so much tequila, so little girl.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
