Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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