God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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