we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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