Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
