I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
