Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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