Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
