just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
