If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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