It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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